there’s a comical phrase being tossed around our house right now: homeless homeowners.
indeed, it’s true. through a sequence of events, waiting, life changes, and just bad timing, we have rented out our house and are still in this city. funny. homeless homeowners.
we are trying to leave, with every fiber of my being i want to leave. we went through the mourning, the wanting to stay, the loving of our town but at this stage, i just want to be gone. i want to pack my husband, bike, skinny jeans, and running shoes in our little scion and drive away.
i didn’t want this experience to be about running away and i truly don’t think that it is. i still firmly believe that we’re trying to live out our dreams of travelling, it just isn’t coming as easily (and as quickly!) as we thought it would. and that’s hard.
so on monday, some lovely young women are moving into our house. our house will become their home for a year. we’re saying good bye to our awesome deck, our new bathroom, our huge windows, our creaky floors, and our cat. i don’t know when we’ll be back. at this point i don’t know where we’re going, but we’re saying goodbye.
this past weekend was fourth of july and i was feeling much less than cheerful or patriotic. chris was working all weekend, a terrible tragedy had happened to a close friend, and we were packing (to go who knows where). finally on sunday, i drove to my favorite beach in saugatuck and removed myself from the chaos for a few hours.
i love saugatuck beach because there is a bit of a walk before the beach so that deters a lot of folks, leaving a cleaner and less populated beach. i read, i journaled, i cried, and i jumped in the lake. my first real swim of the season happened in a dark season of life. i jumped in fully, let the waves crash over my head and let my body float. i had the deep deep feeling that this water was a real and tangible thing to celebrate, to rejoice in, and to be fully emerged in.
for when life doesn’t make sense, doesn’t follow any plan and seems completely out of control, the beach, the waves, and the trees bring peace. peace and security to this homeless homeowner.